Healthy relationships are built on trust; when that trust is broken due to infidelity, it can have devastating consequences. But that doesn’t just apply to emotional or physical betrayal — secrecy around spending and saving can be just as damaging.

“Financial infidelity is when someone withholds, lies about, or hides financial information or behaviors from a partner,” said Nathan Astle, a certified financial therapist at Beyond Finance. He explained the problem often isn’t about the dollar amount, but rather the breach of trust. “Just like emotional or physical infidelity, it creates distance and dishonesty in a relationship.”

And financial infidelity is more common than you may think. According to a poll by the National Endowment for Financial Education, among those who report having ever combined finances in a relationship, 43% confess to having committed some act of financial deception, with 85% of those individuals stating the indiscretion affected the relationship in some way.

Read more: How to merge finances with your spouse after getting married

Many people may not realize that lying about money to a partner “counts” as cheating. Yet in relationships where finances are shared, financial infidelity can have serious consequences for both the emotional and economic well-being of the couple.

“Infidelity doesn’t always look like late-night texts or secret meet-ups in an undisclosed location,” said April Lancit, a licensed marriage and family therapist and assistant professor of marriage and family therapy at La Salle University. “Sometimes it shows up on the bank statements, hidden debt, or secret spending.”

Lancit noted that these behaviors can rock a relationship just as hard as romantic betrayal. In fact, a 2022 CreditCards.com survey found that nearly half of respondents said financial and physical cheating are equally as bad, while 11% said financial infidelity is worse.

At its core, financial infidelity undermines transparency and shared financial decision-making. Even seemingly “small” money lies — like rounding down a purchase amount or hiding a receipt — can snowball into bigger issues over time, including racking up debt, falling behind on financial goals, and straining communication within the relationship.

So what does financial infidelity look like? Some common signs include:

• Secret credit cards or bank accounts

• Undisclosed debts

• Lying about spending or hiding purchases

• Undisclosed gambling

• Generally, withholding information about finances from a partner

According to Lancit, this behavior is increasingly common, and often tied to issues related to power, control, or even shame, “especially if you come from an upbringing where money was not discussed, there wasn’t enough money in the home, or there was endless money and you never had to consult anyone about what you wanted to do.”

Read more: Behavioral Finance 101: 7 ways your brain can sabotage your finances

Financial infidelity can have serious implications for your relationship. Ultimately, a breach of financial trust can be just as hurtful as any other kind of betrayal.

“It erodes trust, creates emotional distance, and often leaves the deceived partner feeling hurt, unsafe, or out of control,” Astle said. “In some cases, it leads to ongoing conflict or even separation, not just because of the money, but because of the violation of honesty and shared responsibility.”

The good news is that recovering from financial infidelity is possible. But it takes time, patience, and a strong commitment to repair the trust that was broken.

Be open and honest about the wrongdoing

Before you can move forward, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about the infidelity that occurred. Discuss the factors that may have contributed to this financial betrayal and what you can work on as a couple to prevent it from happening in the future.

Be honest with each other about the state of your finances as they are right now. This level of transparency will help you build trust and make a plan for the future. Lay out all of your accounts, debts, expenses, and so on. This way, your partner knows that you fully trust them and are committed to a healthy and transparent relationship.

Once you know where you both stand, take some time to think about what your shared financial goals are and what kinds of boundaries you need to set moving forward to make sure that the lines of communication are always open.

The way you manage your personal finances can have a lot to do with how you were raised and your lived experiences. Sometimes, unlearning damaging habits can be tricky, and you may need the guidance of a family or financial therapist. “As I often tell clients: You are not your debt, and you are not your mistakes,” Astle said. “Repair is possible with honesty, accountability, and the right support.”

Read more: Should unmarried couples have joint bank accounts?

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