Chris Clark
5 min read
Parents spend nearly two decades preparing their children to grow up and leave the nest. But sometimes those little birds fly back, and they need financial help. But how much is too much, and when there’s multiple children involved, when does that help become unfair?
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Those questions are haunting plenty of parents these days.
It sounds like you and your husband can’t agree on whether to provide equal financial assistance to your three kids. Your husband may believe one child needs more support because of their circumstances or what they have done for you. You may think the other two deserve and need to be helped as well.
How can parents keep a healthy family dynamic when one or more of their adult kids need help?
Couples usually love their children and want to help, but their handouts may come at the expense of their own retirement planning. There’s no getting around the anxiety – and the money math – of just how much help their kids need.
In this case, Mom and Dad are also a house divided.
If you’re a parent and this scenario sounds familiar, you may already know that supporting your adult children financially is hard work. But your marriage and relationships with your kids can benefit greatly from some advance planning. Have a long discussion with your partner on these points. Getting on the same page with your spouse is the first step before giving your adult children any significant sum of money and can help avoid future arguments.
Don't overextend yourself: Budget just how much you can afford to give without jeopardizing your own financial health. While being able to help our kids at any age seems like the right thing to do, a new study from Savings.com found nearly 50% of parents who financially support at least one adult child say they have sacrificed their financial security to help their grown kids financially. Will you provide just the essentials? Pay off credit debt? Finance their future financial dreams or goals? Such questions are worth resolving first before anyone’s asked for a dime.
Decide on fairness: Decide if you’re going to give each child an equal amount or if you will adjust based on their situation. Does one deserve more help than the other two? “Maybe one kid lost their job, or maybe they’re having a harder time getting a business off the ground,” said Leslie Tayne, a financial attorney and author of the book Life & Debt, to Synchrony Bank. “These are all OK times to help out one child more than another.”
